All character traits that have served me well over the years. Four children, teaching, running a household, and serving the church all required me to be on top of things. It was important to me to plan for every scenario possible because I wanted to be “good”. A good momma. Wife. Friend. Teacher. Pastor’s wife. I didn’t want to let anyone down or fail. So, I controlled. The character trait that rises to the top - controlling.
Intellectually, I understand that I am never really in control. Spiritually, I understand that God is sovereign and that He ultimately is in control over every detail. Yet, I continue to elevate my precious to-do list above all else because it is why the house is clean, the papers are graded, and the Bible lesson is taught. I tightly grasp our family decisions because I need to think through every option and determine what is best and most efficient. With my words, I say that I trust God. But with my daily actions, I put my trust in myself.
Then God sets us on a path where I have no control. Zero. Scott and I came back from our trip to the Dominican Republic with this overwhelming feeling that it is time to make the decision to move full time to the DR. I felt peace. Inexplicable peace.
We were keeping our decision quiet, waiting for direction and timing. We started to plan. I created my precious to-do lists. Then, I took my girls to Mary Poppins Returns. In one scene, Mary Poppins draws the children’s bath and throws things into the bathtub to ensure they had everything they need for an adventure. The children pelted her with questions, and Mary says, “We’re on the brink of adventure children. Don’t spoil it with questions.” What?! I immediately took out my phone and made note of this truth.
We are on an adventure. I can ask a thousand questions and miss what is before me, or I can trust that God is in control. I can choose to be present. To listen. To pay attention. The second option is the most uncomfortable for me. It goes against every natural instinct I possess, but I have no doubt that it is exactly what I am supposed to do.
God told Abraham to pack up his family and go. Abraham was not handed a map with the destination marked. Abraham asked questions, and God just kept responding with His promise. Abraham was obedient, and God blessed him and his family for generations.
Four months later and these words are still bouncing around in my head.
What would it look like to not seek every answer or plan for every possible scenario? What would happen if I asked less questions and listened more? I wish I could tell you the outcome, but it is still too early. But I can tell you that I have more peace about this single decision, than most decisions we have made in our married life. I can tell you that I am confident about the path we are on, the adventure we have begun.
As we prepare to move in 7 months, I will ask less questions. Trust more. Be present. Listen. Pay attention. I am beyond excited for the great adventure, and I do not want to ruin it with my controlling questions!